Spring is around the corner, but my life has taken a nosedive; instead of feeling the impending euphoria of a climb out of winter, I’ve seen my days get metaphorically shorter and darker in a fall-like plunge. I’ve been in the same two winter outfits for a week even though I am now on a balmy island off the coast of Georgia. I have no idea when I will get back home, wherever that is right now.
A week and a half ago, I left the Chicago area on a frigid day and flew to Washington, D.C. for an apartment-hunting trip, just in time for a winter storm with sub-zero temperatures and snow, sleet and ice, then rapidly rising temperatures, heavy rain, and all the not-so-pretty melted snow, slush, and road salt.
The surroundings matched my mood – a smudge of worry, then a storm of panic and uncertainty. After making a very hasty decision on a place to live for the next year, I suddenly needed to change my plans. I was not going home to my dog or to help pack up for our move across the country. I was flying to Georgia, to a hospital complex, to try to figure out what was wrong with my mother – a bright and active woman who had led book discussions, played competitive bridge, and socialized non-stop a few short months ago.
I am happily in the full summer of life in general. A month ago, I had a job that let me travel widely several times a year, a well-loved house in a charming little village, a comfortable and stable lifestyle, and healthy kids and parents. I did know change was in the wind; my husband had been pursuing a position in Washington, D.C. for some time, but our idea was to ease into the move. I planned to keep my job, staying on in the house with our older dog, traveling on weekends (and longer when the school year ended) to be with my husband. It sounded like such an exciting adventure – a small apartment to test out urban living, and proximity to the eastern seaboard and friends and family.
More sobering than the temporary darkening of my own days is the realization that my parents truly are in the winter of their lives. I just wrote recently about the invincible summer I am lucky to have inside me, so right now my hope is that my optimism and (usually!) good cheer will cast a ray of sunlight into my parents’ lives for a bit. I just wish I could do it in something other than my waterproof snow boots!
[With my own changing of seasons, my posts may be few and far between for a while, but please know that I am slowly reading and enjoying many of yours even if I merely hit the “Like” button!]
Sorry to hear about your stressful situation. Things can change so quickly. The only thing to do is to ride it out as best you can. Hope it all works out for you.
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And a wild ride it is! Peaks of hope to valleys of despair – sometimes within hours! Thanks for the kind words – hope to be back with good old travel stories (actual peaks and valleys!) soon!
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Wow Lexi! I can totally relate to your post. Sounds like you life is crazy right now and overwhelming. You just need to take some big deep breathes and go through the ride. I’ve had a lot going on for me too and I’ve started listening to some
Online meditation to just call me down. Things will settle. Look at the exciting change at living in DC! Hugs to you and your mom too. I know how stressful it can be to have. Sick parent.
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Thanks, Nicole. Hope your Nicaragua trip is awesome; I look forward to hearing about it as an antidote to my own days right now!
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Thanks Lexi! I can hardly wait to swap stories with you. You have to go to Chicabrava. It is quite the experience!
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Love you, mom!
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You’ll get your turn, kiddo! Haha. Thanks!
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My thoughts and prayers are with you now Lexi. Returning to you the positive vibes and hope that you sent my way when life’s hurricanes recently blew through my ‘summer’. May your waters calm soon
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Lots of positivity flying across the world these days, right? Same back to you!
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💞💞💞
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I’m so sorry you and your family are in a rough season right now. I wish you all the strength and peace to face each day.
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Thanks for the words of comfort! It just hit so hard so fast, but we will adjust and prevail!
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So? What? Steinbeck was right: there really is a winter of our discontent? Some people say “change is good.” I say: “change sucks when it isn’t good.” In a minute or two, you are going to feel a passel of good vibes winging their way around you.
I feel sorry for the dog. I grew up in that part of the world, about 40 miles north of DC. That weather is brutal, and ugly after the snow falls, then melts. It can seep into your bones and make you feel just as gray and slushy. But YOU…you will endure, as always. I feel mostly sorry for me, because I so loved you slipping one foot out the door so very often!
Here it comes….feel it?
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I did feel it – thank you! No worries; I will get back out the door to somewhere fun before you (and I) know it. When and where I do not know right now, but I tend to bob to the surface pretty quickly when thrown into the water. Are you from Baltimore? Or some podunk town in MD like the podunk one I grew up in a few hours away in PA?
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I’m so sorry to hear about your mother. The seasons of life strike all of us eventually, but it’s always sad and a little shocking when it happens to someone we love. My hubby’s mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer, just around the time that we discovered we were pregnant. Naia’s her first grandchild (she’s only 57! 😦 and I couldn’t help but feel the cycles of life in that moment…and the profound knowing that we are just a part of nature like everything else.
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We humans think we have control over nature or our lives in general – ha! I think we will get through this; it’ll just be a slower, tougher road than expected! Hope your mother-in-law is doing better now.
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My mum is going through the same thing right now with my gran, I feel so helpless, unable to do anything to ease my mums burden. hope things improve for you x
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Sometimes it feels harder to watch than to be involved. My daughter was feeling so terrible for me yesterday, and that made ME feel bad! Ugh – but this will pass … someday!
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Challenges make you stronger Lex, so I know you’ll come out fine on the other side. Winter in DC is horrific this year but not every year, and spring there is glorious so don’t give up hope! Hope the family issues settle soon since that is much more pressing for you I’m sure. Hope you’re on the other side soon.
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Thanks, Tina. I do look forward to spring in DC – in many different ways!
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Lex, I don’t know what else to say but I hope you find solace and warmth in the people around you. Stay strong and keep your head above the waves. If there is a chance of recovery for your mom I really hope things work out for the better!
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I’m a swimmer, so staying afloat is second nature! Thanks for the kind words – keep me amused by showing me more of the Spice Route!
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During difficult times, a good weather can help the mood. I hope spring will come quickly for you.
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That would be helpful! I hope it does, too!
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great entry for WPC-seasons!
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Thanks – I’m having a rough season, so I just made it fit! Thanks for commenting!
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🙂
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Unfortunately this is life, I suppose. I learnt it the hard way in 2014, when my mother passed away at 61 years of age, barely two months into her retirement (and not a single box of chocolates came from the social security department as mean to thank her for the unused 40 years of contributions, how bad is that?!). All I could make of it, for I’m not a philosopher, is that we need to live our life at our best, and spend time where is needed. Hope things will get better, Lex!
Fabrizio
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Very sage words, and ones to remember at the height of feeling sorry for myself. I do need to give this time to my mom, and most of the time I know it and plow through it with a smile on my face. And I am lucky my mom is still here and will likely get though this ordeal. I’m sorry to read of your own loss; it’s even worse when life is downright unfair.
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I hope your mother recovered well and you are feeling better now.
It’s so human to live without reminding ourselves that our parents and ourselves are not immortals. The realization of the upcoming winter brings a sad taste to our lives, but perhaps the best is to focus on remembering of the many happy summers we lived together and cherish the ones still to come, even if not many. Strength and peace to you.
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Thanks, Lucile. As spring has come, so has recovery for my mother, and me in many ways! It was an excellent lesson in appreciating the here and now; I hope I paid good enough attention!
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You’re welcome. I’m so happy to hear all went well!
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